This is hard – no weekends from cancer

Cancer absolutely sucks

All I can think of is that this all sucks. Cancer absolutely sucks. I hate what it is doing to Vega, to me, to us, to our whole family. I hate that I have to even think about who is going to look after Alys, my daughter, the next time Vega needs to go to hospital for a transfusion. Or who is going to pick up Lyra, my other daughter, on Monday. How to explain to Vega that she cannot go to the playgroup this week.

Having to let it be part of my life

I am a positive person at heart, but this is a challenge. It is really hard. Sometimes it is so hard I feel like I can’t bear it. I sometimes sit having lunch with the family, and Vega is sleeping so her chair remains empty. I nearly start to cry with that, welling up with tears looking at the empty chair. I know all the stats and I don’t even want to talk about it because Vega is a person not a number and she will beat this. I know. But just having to face the word cancer and the label “life threatening illness” and having to let it be part of my life, our life, hurts.

On we go

But on we go, hurting or not, and some days are really not that bad. Really. Like today, our dear friends Beccy and Barney looked after Lyra and Vega, while Ray and I took a sleeping Alys to a greasy spoon and had lunch. Our first undisturbed meal together in ages. It was lovely and very replenishing. During times like these, you have to treasure the small things.